Hello, Cruel World.
Please don’t feel awkward. It’s not you— it’s me.
For the first ten years of my real estate career, I’ve managed to avoid creating a website for myself. A website! Grammar school children these days assemble complex websites for their pets’ imaginary friends in between homework & dinner, and I have somehow failed for an entire decade to create or commission even the crudest of functioning models to support my high-level real estate practice. Incredible! The website is the most basic tool in the belt ( after a license and a business card ) and for ten years the screen on the far end of my registered domain Braimes.com has featured an unflattering headshot taken during my first week in the business, accompanied by the message “Future home of Braimes.com.” For ten years this has been my internet “presence.” It’s an outrage…
The good news is, ultimately I have prevailed! I’ve ignored the trend– stoically not looking to the side– and at last the storm has passed. No one cares about websites anymore; they just want to look at something called blog.
But what is blog?
Everybody’s doing it—the videogame industry is blogging; the medical marijuana people have it; of course the fucking sports addicts have the blog now. I guess I’d better get busy on one, lest I miss the wave and am forced to spend another ten years deciding what trend to be on the back end of next.
So welcome to my mid-day rambling Jeff Braimes real estate blog. For real people! I guess I don’t really know what I’m fixing to blog about, but there are a few things I’m pretty sure I won’t be blogging about, including adjusted price-per-square foot, cumulative days on market, peekaboo views and “at this price, it won’t last long.”
Additionally, my stupid-head real estate blog will not involve the following principles, which happen to rhyme with blog:
My blog does not smog Since my blog will make it possible for me never to actually speak face-to-face with another person ever again, I won’t have to use my car– thus reducing my carbon footprint
My blog is not a frog It is very green, and it often makes croaking sounds (like my business). But it’s not a frog
Neither is my blog a dog My blog will never bark or bite, though it might occasionally brandish its vulgar drooling tongue & garbage-breath or maybe even hump your leg
My blog is not a clog All of my blog’s shoes will have heels
My blog does not jog They do not make monsters big or scary enough to chase my blog more than about a half-block
My blog is not in the Troggs It will occasionally be Wild, but honestly…
Truly I don’t know what to expect from this experiment any more than you do. I suspect in the coming weeks, I’ll post musings about how to move a 3,000sqft century-old house to a vacant lot down the street; what to do if you discover a baggie of Nazi-era currency in the basement of the home you just bought; how to get the listing on the refrigerator your neighbor is trying to FSBO (agents only, sorry laytypes); surprising a couple in-bed when you’re trying to show a listing (agents optional, laytypes welcome); and which is better– Van Halen I or Van Halen II.
Until then, Real People, stay cool.
i dare you to like this
( Blogger’s note: make that eleven years. I wrote this post a year ago when I first started working on this ten-hour project. Coming up next: how to use Microsoft Paint! )